They know you’re German when…

They know you’re German when…

Are you, for example, working abroad with a multinational corporation? Well, chances are that you’re the coworker everybody dislikes. You are the bloody German that’s finished all of the tasks in no time at all and leaves your boss in a desperate state while trying to find new work for you. The following video explains also a lot:

Seriously, you’ve really tried to work less efficiently, more slowly, and deliver less-quality work…but you’ve got that typical German efficiency; it’s something you just can’t help; it’s in the genes you were born with. But there’s more to be a typical German. Let’s take a look at some “typical” German traits.

You know you’re German when…

  • Your CV is not just a summary of your work experience, but rather a book depicting everything about your personal life, details about your children, your political interests, the names and professions of your parents and everything else you ever did in your entire life.
  • Tzping on non-German kezboards is verz difficult.

  • Someone invites you for their birthday at 20:00 and you’ll be sure to show up at 19:45 even though you said “Goodbye Deutschland” many years ago.
  • You hinder your foreign friends trying to learn German by speaking fluent English with them continuously.
  • You are silent in an elevator. In Germany, there seems to be some unwritten rule that you just don’t look at strangers in an elevator and that you don’t speak to them. Even with friends or relatives in an elevator, usually, there’s some awkwardly strange silence that nobody breaks.
  • You reuse plastic shopping bags as trash bags as we did on our New Years trip to Charlotte where we enjoyed our schnitzels so much.
  • You are scared to death when people wish you a happy birthday in advance.
  • Probably, you’ve never paid a thing for seeing a doctor before. In Germany, the healthcare system is amazing, covering practically everything except our breast implants (but even then: when you prove that these are fundamental for your mental health, they will be free).
  • Your national football team players have names like Özil, Khedira, Podolski, Gómez, Boateng and Gündoğan.
  • You swore to never eat Tapas again after Spain defeated Germany in the World Cup.
  • You prefer your Wiener Schnitzel over the typical American food such as Pork Loin Roast or Roast Turkey.
  • You yell at your neighbors for not putting their garbage into the appropriate bins.
  • You complain about having “only” six weeks of vacation per year.
  • You don’t step on lawns. Never! Even when you’re in a park where there’s no sign telling you not to step on the lawn, you’ll never step on lawns. You’ll already feel criminal for getting near the park’s grass!
  • You hang pairs of socks next to each other on your laundry rack, because wenn schon, denn schon!
  • German people tell you to go “rechts, rechts, immer geradeaus”.
  • You say “Gesundheit” even to complete strangers across the street.
  • You greet everyone in a doctor’s waiting room with a cheerful “Guten Tag!”.
  • You are still pissed for going to university during the few years that Germany charged tuition to do so. University access in Germany was free until a few federal states introduced a €500 tuition fee per semester. After severe public outcry, however, this was abolished. See also: The American Education System which is so different.
  • One of your German friends is still in university, and I don’t mean he’s teaching or working towards his Ph.D. He just needed some time to discover his proper direction in life. He did Archaeology, Philosophy, Sinology, and Business Studies to finally end up with 9th Century Uzbekistan Art History. See also this post about the American Education Week.
  • You apologize to your visitors for your extremely messy house, after having spent five hours thoroughly cleaning it.
  • You prepare Nudelsalat for every possible occasion though you tried so hard to pick up some American cultural habits.
  • “Weil einfach einfach einfach ist” doesn’t sound confusing to you at all.
  • You don’t talk behind people’s backs. You just tell them straight to their face you don’t like them. There are many German influences in America but this is definitely different here in the States.
  • National pride gives you an uncomfortable feeling. In a certain way, Germans are somewhat traumatized by their history. There’s only one time that you don’t have a problem with placing the German flag anywhere: The Soccer World Cup.
  • You have to explain to your friends from outside Germany that Sunday shopping is not an option.
  • It’s your birthday and YOU are the one buying drinks.

Auf Wiedersehen!

Or, as some say: Auf Wienerschnitzel!

 


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